I’m going to start this post off by asking you to enter into a judgement free zone. Have you gotten there? So, nothing I say is going to make you think I’m cooky right? Ok then, here goes…

So, we LOVE Oprah in our house. Well, most of us do. I’ll give you a quick guess as to which one of us isn’t an Oprah fanatic…

But, the rest of us. We treat Oprah like our church. It’s nice when we can all sit around and watch an episode of life class and then talk about what that means in our lives and what we’d like to apply.

Recently we watched the episode where she talked about the phrase “I am…” The highlight of the lesson was that whatever phrase you use to follow “I am…” is going to come and find you. 

Take a moment to think about that…

I’ll wait…

Did you think about it? What are the “I am…” phrases that you continually speak to yourself?

I am… fat
I am… poor
I am… bad with money
I am… stupid
I am… awkward
I am… unattractive
I am… insecure
I am… depressed
I am… anxious
I am…
I am…
I am…

Guys, we’ve gotta stop that shit. {sorry mom} But, we do.

After watching this, it had me thinking about how this plays into our lives in several aspects.

1. What we say to ourselves. 

The more you say that you are fat, poor, anxious, etc. The more you are accepting that it’s just a part of yourself. If it’s not something that you want to stick around, then, change the way you speak into your life.

Say you’re anxious for example. If you keep saying that you’re an anxious person then you are going to continue developing anxious character traits. But, if you tell yourself that you are getting less and less anxious everyday. Honest to goodness, you can and will trick yourself into believing it. I don’t have scientific proof for that, but, I can tell you what my “I am..” words used to be…

I am… insecure
I am… ugly
I am… unmotivated
I am… lost
I am… lonely

I can honestly say that none of those things are true to me anymore. I’m more confident than ever, I’m driven, I’m happy, and I’m more aware of those that surround met than ever before. I didn’t change the way I look, but, day after day of looking in the mirror and picking out something that I like about myself has certainly allowed me to be happy with what I was born with. 

2. What others say to us. 

This is where it gets tricky.
So, you’ve nailed speaking positively to yourself and you are making life changes. Maybe they’re happening slowly, but, you know they are happening.
However, you aren’t the only person in your life.
There are going to be people {and often it’s those that are closest to you} that will only ever see you the way you were before.
They will ingrain those “I am…” phrases into their memory of who you are and who you will be forever.

We can react to that in a number of ways.

1. We can let it define us.

Allow them to continue speaking that you are unmotivated or anxious or depressed into your ear and you can just stay that way.

2. We can ignore it.

That’s ideal right? That we can just allow the people we care for the most to see us in a way that we believe to be inaccurate or just hurtful. But, not let it bother us because they’re not in your mind, they can’t possibly know all of the work that you’ve put into yourself.

3. We can let it fuel us.

Maybe they will never see you differently. Maybe they will always think of you as that kid that used to eat butter. {I don’t know if that’s even a thing people do.} They will continue to tell stories of how you could eat your weight in butter growing up and how unhealthy you eat. Maybe they’re telling that story while you’re eating a salad without the dressing right in front of them. Take that moment and think to yourself that you won’t be that person. You will be the kind of person that takes note of those around you. That realizes we are all changing and developing and be the one who recognizes the progress in others. 

Which brings me to…

3. What we say to others.

Just in the way we don’t like for others to pigeon hole us into a certain role or way of being. We can’t do that to those around us either. How do we do that?

Glad you asked!

1. ASK THEM!

Seriously, ask. How are you doing? Really though, how are you? Is there anything your working on lately or struggling with? Are you happy?

You don’t to be all mushy gushy like I would. But, take the time to be concerned for those you care about. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a conversation with someone and they don’t ask me a single question. Talking for hours and they’ve not noticed that I’ve not spoken about myself once. At the same time, I’m sure that I do the same.

2. Listen.

Nothing makes me more upset then when someone asks a question and then doesn’t listen to the answer.

Whether you get distracted or you are listening with an idea already formed in your mind.

Maybe you’re talking to your cousin who is in a relationship where they break up and get back together. She may be telling you all about how they are working things out and realizing where they’ve gone wrong in the past. While at the same time you are thinking to yourself that they’re just going to break up again because that’s what they always do.

How do you know that? Who are you to judge? Why not, for a change, just believe them?

It doesn’t matter if you were going to be right, wouldn’t you rather have been kind? 

3. Pay Attention.

Pay attention to those around you. If you know that your friend Joe has been working out, notice if they seem happier-healthier. If your sister has started yoga because she’s anxious, make a point to notice if she seems more relaxed.

and comment on it.

Man Joe, it seems like you have an extra bounce in your step, has working out been going well?

Whether it’s been going well or not, Joe is going to feel like you a.) just flat out care about him and b.) like working out is a positive thing for him and he should keep doing it.

Don’t you think if the power of “I am..” is so strong in your own life that the phrase “You are…” will have equal the strength in someone else’s? 

If you wish your friend would stop making a scene when they’re angry. Wouldn’t it be more powerful to make note of when they don’t do that and praise them instead? If we define someone as that guy who loses his temper, then they eventually are going to just fall into that role. Instead, we can encourage people when they make positive steps towards change and it will only serve as a motivator.

Now that I’ve written a book. Share with me your current “I am…” phrases and the ones that you are going to start implementing soon!

here are mine:

I am… tired.
I am… anxious.
I am… a work-a-holic
I am… intimidated by professionals.
I am… bad with money.

But, instead

I am… getting more rest.
I am… learning to relax
I am… taking time to be creative.
I am… a confident-competent business owner
I am… learning to spend wisely.

SLAM! 

I showed you mine, now show me yours!

xoxo,

Sarajane.

About The 20 Somethings

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